No Play Means No Kilishi

For those of you who aren't familiar with kilishi, it's thinly sliced pieces of beef that have been seasoned with peppery spices. I want to make it clear to any and every man, that The way to my heart is honestly with KILISHI! I don't necessarily like suya, but kilishi is my weakness. Suya is basically like kebab meat; its chunks of beef that are seasoned with peppery spices and onions.
Story story...story! There's one guy who stays in the same city as I'm in and claims to have been chasing me for the longest time. The day he found out that I'm obsessed with kilishi more than man, was one of the happiest days of his life. Sometimes we don't talk for a month, but once he says he has kilishi I am on the phone with him 24/7.
Our relationship has been nothing more than a friendhship since day 1, but now he is saying it has been something else and I'm denying it. Lol. Since when? His friend came into town from Nigeria and brought a box of kilishi (God have mercy). When he told me that his friend was coming, I reminded him to save me some as always. I thought he would do so, but that wasn't the case this time around. I met up with him and his friend for a little bit and he was completely out of character. He kept on saying "You know what you have to do nah. Ah ah...why are you behaving like this? You know you like me like I like you." Like who??? My brothers and sisters, when did I ever say that this boy is the apple of my eye? When did I ever say that he is my partner? Omo, see wahala!
I even invited him to the parties that I went to this weekend and he said that he will only come if I stop doing my 'shakara'. I asked him what he was talking about and he said I'm always doing shakara for him. This is someone I invite to all Naija parties oh! We go there as friends and leave as friends. He said that as long as I don't go about talking to other guys and spend time with him, he will come and give me kilishi. I was thoroughly confused and told him to honestly go about his business if he wasn't interested. In the end, he brought himself to the events but didn't bring kilishi. Walaahi...I almost passed out. I had to remind myself that woman must not live by kilishi alone. Some other guy told me that he would get some for me, so please pray with me that he will make my dream come true. #CrossingMyFingers
-Letter from a DESPERATE kilishi lover