I Fell for A Married Man

I almost forgot to upload a post today, but the good Lord saved me. I got carried away because I'm helping a friend with flyers for his business and I cooked a bunch of food, but anyways...moving on. Let's giddy!
My people oh!!! Come see wahala. The devil is a liar. Your girl fell for a married man. Tufiakwa! So...here is how the story goes. My friends and I went out of town for a 'girls weekend'. We turned up for real and had an absolute blast. Whoop whoop! We went to a night club that one of my friends had recommended. He kept on introducing me to different people that night and wanted to get my name out to some people in the promoting/ entertainment business out there. What a sweetheart! We were on the way out when he introduced me to this one guy. I joked around with him for a bit before he offered me a seat, suya and drinks. My friends and I liked his vibe and we definitely reconsidered our exit from the club. We exchanged numbers. He was a darling all night long and told us that next time we came into town, we should let him know.
The next morning, one of my friends who was super drunk from the night before had something to tell me. I was all ears. She said that the man we met from last night had asked her about me and she told him that I was single. She then said that he told her that he would have hit on me if he wasn't married. I didn't have any feelings for the guy. I only saw him as a friend, so I had no worries right? Little did I know what was to come. Lol. Make I continue joor.
Some over-sabis would say I was looking for trouble, but just pay attention first. I'm not a home wrecker, ashawo, side chick, main bitch, left or right chick or husband snatcher! We didn't speak so much on the phone, but when we did, we engaged in conversations in a very paddy-like manner. We were quite local when engaging in conversations.  I was very careful when I spoke to this man and clearly respected my boundaries. After a while, my friends and I had established a "friendship" with him. We all spoke with him and referred to him as a brother.
I did just as he said, I let him know the next time we were in town. Before we were all about to go out, my friend said she wanted to bring something to my attention again. I was open to listen to whatever she was about to say. What would be so important to discuss on this trip now? She said that she honestly wasn't sure if that man was married anymore. I was surprised. I had never brought up this topic with him. As I said, we rarely spoke on the phone and he never mentioned that he was married. I was confused. She said that the night that we met him, another man had also come up to her asking about my relationship status. She reminded me that she was highly intoxicated that night and she didn't think that the guy we now all took as a "brother" was the married one. None of us saw a ring on his either of his hands and he clearly didn't act married. I was surprised, but believed her because she was very drunk that night.
After a few days during our trip, we were supposed to meet up with this man at a club. All of a sudden, I found myself developing feelings for him earlier that day. My people come see wahala! How am I falling for my brother? I began to consider a number of things. He was extra caring when it came to me, helped me get out of a stank mood the day before and for some reason I began to see him being a part of my future. Don't ask me what happened, but I did a whole 360 degrees shake around him. My sister and friends were ecstatic for me. They wanted to see a relationship between this guy and I work at all costs. We were very happy to see him when we went out. We had a great time that night and I even flirted a little with him. I didn't want to seem too forward nah!
I was so angry when our trip was over because I enjoyed being out of my city and I wanted to spend more time with him. We texted a few times but I didn't get a chance to talk to him on the phone since I had been back. My sister told me to call him, I was skeptical about it. I didn't want it to seem like I was trying too hard. I did though, but he didn't pick up. I was sad. I ended up going to a housewarming and found myself talking about him to my other girlfriends. They kept on telling me to call him. I was so damn shy! I was literally getting butterflies in my stomach from talking about him. As we were talking about him, he called back. I was so nervous, I couldn't answer the phone. One of my friends tried to answer the phone, but didn't know how to use it because it was connected to the bluetooth. Lol. I was WAY too shy to call him back, so I let my friend text him for me because I wasn't even bold enough to do that. He had gone out with his friends, so his responses were inconsistent. My friend told me to call him tomorrow. They all told me to make sure that this man wasn't married before I fell deeply for him as my body dry shake already. Too late!
The next day he responded. He apologized for not being able to respond to the last text that I had sent. I called him a few hours later when I woke up from my nap. We talked for two hours! Boy was i happy! That was the longest time that we have ever been on the phone, even he was surprised. We were stylishly flirting, talking about our lives, the next time I was going to come into town etc. I was blushing oh! We were learning so much about each other. Out of nowhere, the blue moon, the random backyard bush, mama put's kitchen!!! He blurted out "You know that I'm married right?" Walaahi, I almost lost it. Omo see disappointment! My friends had warned me. I told him "No, you did not. That's cute." I asked him a few questions and he answered them. He told me that he had been married for three years. Omo, see slap in the face! He never thought that he would marry a Nigerian, but he ended up marrying an Igbo woman. The fear wey catch me was like no other! Igbo woman in wrapper, dibia and curses coming upon me was all I could think of.
We finished off our conversation, but I wasn't disrespectful and didn't cut him off. Some of you may be like "Babe, you should have cussed him out and made him go chat with his wife", but I couldn't do that. As I stated earlier, apart from being attracted to each other, I was building a different bond with him that involved other people. My sister and friends had a family-like relationship with him. We had known him for a short time, but we grew to appreciate one another and had become a apart of each other's lives in a very odd manner that you wouldn't expect. I don't even know how to explain it. I was just thankful that none of us verbally came out and said that "we liked each other". We flirted in a subtle but yet apparent manner, but no one was aggressive when trying to get their point across.
I don't fall easily for guys all the time, but when I do, I fall hard! It's so embarrassing! My sister is embarrassed for me. Lol. I now have to work on getting over him over the next few weeks and embracing my reality. He is a married man and I have to accept the fact that nothing can ever happen between us. He was almost the perfect man, but, is there really any such thing? I should have known something was wrong. It sucks, but I'm not a home wrecker, ashawo, side chick, main bitch, left or right chick or husband snatcher! Make I go chop jare. Pray for your sister.

The Art Of Gift Giving

I don't know about yal, but I love my birthday!!! I love my birthday to the point that I want it to be a national holiday one day. Won't yal just love that? An extra day to kick it back at home and celebrate Nikolai? Lol. You should be grateful and thank God for every extra year you get to see because some people don't always make it to the next.
I have always been a firm believer of the art of gift giving. I give gifts that are actually related to someone's likes, preferences and wants. I study people's personalities to know what kind of a gift to give. I give gifts that 'actually' make sense! They are beneficial to each individual depending on what I have learnt about them before their birthday. The worst thing to do is spend money on a gift that someone won't like and they keep it stored in the back of their closet and mind.
My birthday is coming up in the month of December and people have already started giving me gifts. They've been asking me what I want and I find myself actually knowing what I want for the first time in years. One of my very close friends at this time asked me what I wanted. There were two shoes I saw online and even managed to get an awesome coupon code for them. I told her exactly what I wanted and provided the link. She told me would get it. She was having issues logging into the website from her phone, so she said she would place the order from her laptop.
A few days had passed and we were at a housewarming event. She told me that she still couldn't log into the website from her phone. I was in the process of trying to help her when she told me that I could only pick one of the shoes. To God who made me, I was taken aback. I looked at her and told her she was kidding because I just couldn't fathom the idea that she was being serious. Out of all the gifts I want this year for my birthday, I gave her the CHEAPEST one to buy! In my head, I was seriously wondering how much she thought I spent on her birthday gifts. I'm not trying to be ungrateful or insensitive, but common! I carefully selected gifts based on what I knew she wanted and needed to develop skills in. She didn't even know I was getting her a gift because I barely knew her before her birthday came up. Now, she asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told her and she was practically forcing me to choose one. Wtf? I LITERALLY gave the CHEAPEST of all gifts to get me and she has a problem??? Nna men....I hate that shit. I won't even bring it up again because it's pointless. You may think "Oh, maybe she is going through financial matters", but that clearly isn't the case in this matter as she has been spending her cash money and telling me about it. A 'true friend' should never do that to another friend.
Anyways...I really think that I have finally learnt my lesson. People always tell me that I give very good gifts that I won't receive back, but I take people's birthdays very seriously. It is a moment that will be remembered forever and I feel that I should do whatever I can to make it memorable. Listen to me NOW when I say that I will no longer combine gifts for people. I will give one gift at a moderate price starting from today. There is only one girl who has ever given me multiple sentimental gifts on my birthday because she tries to keep gift giving fun. I will keep my bond with her that way, but for others, no more. I have received enough insult from the gifts I have received and I don't need anymore. Good riddance amigos!

Guess Who's Back???

Hey bees!
I'm back!!! I have definitely been going through an emotional rollercoaster these past few months and have honestly had several moments when I wanted to just throw in the towel. I just wanted to give up sometimes because I felt that there's no point to continue. It sounds sad, humiliating and shocking, but I need to be truthful and pour my heart out. My love life, personal relationships and daily behavior has been an absolute mess. I can't tell the man I have developed feelings for that I like him because I'm afraid it will affect our friendship. I am constantly reminded that "true friends" are hard to find and I need to work on my finding ways to better myself as a human being.
It's funny how someone can look a certain way on the exterior, but feel completely different in the interior. I almost feel as if I have been living a lie and painting a false image of who I am to people. It's time for a change. I've giving up on living a lie.
I was praying earlier today and I thought for a sec "What ever happened to my blog?" "What ever happened to the real me?" "Am I just a weakling?" I have been asking God for a sign and I think he is trying to show me what I have been depriving myself of; true happiness, personal goals/ objectives and a peaceful state of mind. It has to stop. I have to stop.
Over the next few weeks, I'm going to continue to share my life experiences with you all as I did in the past while focusing on my thoughts, emotions and real life happenings. Hopefully with me being more open with you guys, you will be more comfortable with me to ask questions related to my daily experiences. I'm going to try and write a post everyday this week. #7DayChallenge. Yal deserve it, I deserve it. I am no longer afraid.

Asking For Favors

If there is one thing I have learnt in my 23 years of living, it is to limit the amount of favors I ask for. The smallest favor could be turned into the biggest matter in the world. Those you consider your friends and family can deal with you within the glimpse of an eye. They will be quick to turn on you for a favor. They will find every reason to suggest that what your asking for is beyond their means and make up the most ridiculous excuses. You sef will begin to wonder if what you're asking for help for is a rocket to reach Saturn. 
Even though I use the term 'friend' loosely, a lot of people I associate with are my 'acquaintances'. We will go out, we will jolly, but they will still remain an acquaintance. A true friend is a gift from God. A lot of people love to see you beg, plead and ask for favors and assistance in this world. It butters them up to know that others have a certain need and requirement for their help and will use it to their advantage. I advise you all to always shine in whatever it is your heart tells you to do and follow your dreams. Try to keep pushing as far as you can before you open your mouth and ask one single human for a favor. At times, we think certain things are unattainable, when we are just to blind to see the unlocked door of opportunities staring at us and waiting for it's knob to be turned.

Rebuilding Friendships and Moving Forward

Yesterday, I sat down with two people whom I once knew to be my true friends during a certain point in time. One's a guy and the other's a girl. We had a falling out over three months ago and just began speaking recently. I asked to meet up with them because I wanted us to hash out our differences and have a fresh start for the beginning of our new chapter together.
I did this because I noticed that the guy actually began to make an effort by acknowledging me at gatherings and events in our Nigerian community. He would greet and hug me whenever he saw me. I was initially quite resistant, but later appreciated his continuous effort. The girl on the other hand didn't. She would just walk by and say nothing at all whenever we saw.
We all started talking again because her birthday was near approaching and I wanted to get her a gift. She had given me a gift on my birthday last year, so I had to return the favor. I just thought that was the right thing to do. I got her a makeup goody bag and she loved it. She couldn't even believe that I bought her a gift since we hadn't spoken in such a long time. Ever since then, we have been staying in touch with one another.
I thank God for the conversation we had because we were able to clear the air after our discussion. I was angry and highly disappointed with them because they were very discreet when I was planning a joint birthday party for my sister and our mutual friend earlier on this year. The day that I needed them to help me out the most was the day they literally abandoned me. They came super late to the event and acted as if they had the right to do as they pleased. I was furious at the event and chose to completely disregard them. People who I had faith in and considered family became strangers in a matter of seconds.
I realized during our meeting that the main issue with a lot of relationships and friendships is a lack of communication. They said that there were several things during the planning process that were lost in translation on the event day. They weren't sure of what to do or how to help. I found that odd because I had expressed myself thoroughly to all prior to the event celebration and didn't want to step on any toes. They thought that I was taking the planning too seriously and I didn't want to offend anyone else. Instead, they said that they were looking for more of a sense of direction that I didn't properly offer. Nawa oh! Boy was I shocked? Hadn't I tried to do that before? Didn't they have multiple issues with it? Ok oh. I was still glad that I was able to hear their point of views.
After our conversation, everything kind of fell back into place. We began gisting as usual and even began planning our next trip. It was a good night and I'm happy that we're working on rebuilding our friendship. It may be hard to fully trust them immediately, but I will take each day one step at a time.

Retail Theraphy

So...there was this guy that I was talking to for a while but we have parted ways. I took a liking to him immediately, but I can see now that we are on two completely different pages. Ever since we stopped talking, I find myself buying things at any chance I get. Online shopping is the worst! As in...one minute I'm browsing, the next, something is in my shopping cart. The next, my debit card gets pulled out and I have purchased numerous products! I stare as my card is constantly being swiped or my fingers punching in its digits on a computer like I'm some sort of money machine.
The worst part is I don't even have money like that, but I'm just continuously spending. For some reason, I feel that the items I'm purchasing are necessities and I need them now or never. I've had this shopping problem before in the past, but it has never been this bad. I haven't experienced it like this in a very long while. I think I'm using this to escape the current situation I'm in called 'my reality'. The only wahala is that I don't think its working. I've began to try my best to keep the guy off my mind and focus on the business of buying and selling. Hahaha..Buying and selling ke? Na just buying I dey succeed in.
Thank God for return policies! I'm going to go through the items that I've bought and try to return some back. I think I'll keep the groceries. If you see the madness that has been my life recently, you won't even believe I'm normal. I'm even too scared to look at my current account balance. #ShameOnMe. My retail therapy has definitely helped keep me occupied and almost cleared out my bank account. God forbid bad thing! I need to get a grip of myself. I am turning a new leaf today my brothers and sisters.

Letter to Debo

Never in my life did I think it would be this hard to get over you
You came into my life and swept me off my feet
I couldn't believe it
So I chose to ignore it in the beginning
We only met a few times
But I felt as though we connected on a different level I hadn't experienced before
Believe it or not, I couldn't stop talking about you
It was unreal and I couldn't understand why
The way you called my name
The cars you sent me
Your condo
Our jokes
And even your Ray Ban glasses, which I found extremely cute
But most importantly, the way you made me feel
All these things were nice, but it couldn't make up for my time with you
From the first day I met you, I fell for you

People say it was just a materialistic fling, but it was more than that with you
They called you my Mr. Grey
I called your my Mr. Stay
I patiently waited for the day that I would be called your girlfriend
We had our ups and downs but I still felt you were mine
Nothing was going to stop that
You tried to rush into sex
But, I wanted more than that
I wanted us to evolve together
To build a future together
That day never came

My family and friends told me that you weren't good for me
They saw me cry, hurt and depressed when you wouldn't treat me right
I would still cover for you
Make a hundred and one excuses because I didn't want you to slip away
I gave you chance after chance, until I couldn't anymore

I now find out through my sister that you're seeing one of my friends
But you have no idea
You met her at a party I was supposed to attend when I left town for a wedding
She doesn't know about us
What we had before you brought her into your life
She talks to my sister about you constantly
She's fallen for you just as I had
And she still doesn't know about us
I can't bring myself to tell her
How do you think that makes me feel?
All that keeps racing through my mind is what would have happened if I was there
Would we have been back together?
Day after day, I ask myself this

This is one of the hardest issues I've ever had to face in my life
That's why I decided to write you this letter
I have to set myself free from you
I need to get you out of my thoughts, dreams and entire being
You have consumed my life
I barely do a thing because I'm still so focused on us and what should have been
I talk about you to others as if I'm obsessed with you
They've listened to me multiple times and have tried to help me
They no longer know what to do
It's been three weeks
You haven't texted or called
I guess I'm pretty irrelevant in your life now right?

I can't keep on beating myself down anymore
So, I have to help myself
I have to let go
I have to erase you from my mind completely so I can move on
But, what hurts the most
Is that you never knew
This is how I truly felt about you

If I would have spread my legs, would you still be mine?

Debo